Loving Others Requires Loving Yourself

When Jesus talks about love, He gives us a beautiful picture of what it is meant to look like:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind… You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
Matthew 22:37, 39 ESV

Jesus does not tell us to love everyone else while completely forgetting ourselves. He says to love our neighbor as ourselves.

That does not mean becoming self-focused or putting ourselves first in every situation. It means remembering that we are people too. We have limits. We get tired. We carry wounds. We need rest, connection, encouragement, healing, and grace just like the people we are trying so hard to love.

We are better at giving compassion than receiving it

Many of us are much better at offering compassion than receiving it. We will tell a friend, “You have been through so much. Give yourself some grace,” and then turn around and tell ourselves, “Get over it. You should be fine by now.” We encourage everyone else to rest while feeling guilty the minute we sit down.

Eventually, that catches up with us. When hurt remains unaddressed, it has a way of showing up in our relationships, our reactions, our boundaries, and even the way we see ourselves. Loving yourself biblically can include having the courage to say, “Something in me needs care, and I am willing to tend to it.”

Sometimes that means taking time to heal with the help of a professional counselor.

Counseling is not a sign of weak faith

Counseling is not a sign that your faith is weak. It can actually be a very practical way of valuing the life, mind, body, and story God has given you. Sitting with a trained professional and honestly looking at grief, trauma, anxiety, unhealthy relationship patterns, shame, or old wounds can be an act of stewardship. You are choosing not to ignore pain until it begins spilling onto the people you love.

Scripture repeatedly values wise counsel. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, “Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.” Seeking appropriate help is not the opposite of trusting God. God often cares for us through other people, including pastors, friends, physicians, and trained mental health professionals.

Jesus modeled healthy care as well. He loved people deeply, but He also stepped away from crowds, rested, prayed, ate with friends, and made space to be renewed. He was compassionate without being endlessly available to every demand around Him.

A few gentle questions

Caring for yourself is not choosing yourself over other people. It is allowing God to bring healing into the places that are hurting so you can love others with greater freedom, patience, and sincerity.

Maybe loving your neighbor as yourself begins with asking a few gentle questions: Would I speak to someone I love the way I speak to myself? Would I expect someone I love to carry this alone? If someone I loved were hurting the way I am hurting, would I encourage them to get help?

If you would want healing, support, and compassion for them, perhaps it is okay to want those things for yourself too.

You are not the one person excluded from God’s invitation to receive care. Sometimes one of the most loving and faithful things you can do for yourself, and ultimately for the people you love, is to make the counseling appointment and begin healing what you have been carrying for far too long.